Important Informations

THE FIRST TIME

THINK! Are you ready to have sex? Or is it peer pressure to appear macho, guys? Or is it the need to be loved and a distorted sense of obligation to a boyfriend that has made you give in, girls?

Whatever the reasons may be, deciding to have sex is a major decision and one that should be made provided you can take complete responsibility for any consequence, two major ones being pregnancy and venereal disease. Also, having sex may change the emotional tone of the relationship as one of the partners may lose interest, and then you are left to deal with the psychological aftermath. On a more positive note, when two people who love each other deeply decide to get intimate, it can lead to a more meaningful relationship.

Decision Time

Don't be hasty about it. Don't have sex just because you feel curious about it. You need to reach a certain maturity level to take the right decision regarding sex. The more you know, learn and talk about sex, the better it is. A hasty decision can lead to shattered expectations and disappointment. Talk it over with your partner, an older, more experienced friend or a counselor. Find out about the nature of your relationship with your partner - two people wanting different things from a relationship can lead to a messy situation. Think clearly about your needs, your options and values. If you have any fears or anxieties about sex, resolve them or talk them over with your partner or friend. Ask your partner if he or she has had sex previously and if there is any chance of an infection. Also, talk about birth control with your partner. You can speak to a sex counselor also.

The first time

Once you have resolved all the issues, it is time to go ahead. The first time around you may have many anxieties about how your body looks, performance anxiety or whether you will be able to please your partner. Many people have a scenario built up in their minds and the real thing might not match up to the fairytale fantasy. Be relaxed and don't feel as if you have to perform - this is not a contest. Just take things easy and let your partner guide you if he/she happens to be more experienced else help each other.

Sex is very different for guys and girls. Most of the time the guys achieve an orgasm and the girls do not. A guy can achieve an orgasm in one to five minutes while a woman takes much longer. Apart from that, sex may be a painful experience for a virgin if her partner is clumsy or tries to force himself into her when she is not ready. Be careful and gentle - treat each other's body with respect.

Protecting yourself from pregnancy and disease

The best and most effective way to protect yourself is with a good quality condom. When you buy the condom, buy a latex one and not a natural one - a latex condom is slightly safer than the other is. Make sure that you put on a condom before there is any contact between the genitals. Open the condom packet with your hands and not your teeth. This may damage the condom. You might lose a little of your erection while putting on the condom but don't worry - this is normal. You can soon get an erection by indulging in a little foreplay. Roll the condom over the erect penis, pinching the top to ensure that no air-bubble is formed. This will give the semen some place to collect in. If the condom does not slide smoothly over the penis, you probably have it on the wrong side. Throw this condom away and use a new one. Never, ever reuse a condom. Once you have achieved an orgasm, the penis will begin to go limp. Hold the base of the condom and withdraw immediately.

Any regrets?

It may happen that sex the first time around is a disappointing experience, or your partner might lose interest in you. A disastrous or painful first-time experience should not put you off sex totally.

ADOLESCENT SEXUALITY

As far as teens are concerned, sex is a largely ignored topic. However it is important that they are well informed so that they can make smart, informed decisions about sex. Many parents feel that teaching teens about sex will lead to increased sexual activity, but armed with information, they can make choices for themselves rather than do what others tell them to do.

Onset of Puberty

Puberty is the time when your body changes from a child's to an adult's body. Everyone grows at a different speed. In girls, puberty can start anywhere between age 9 and 14 and in boys from 11 to 15. As seen earlier, during puberty, the reproductive organs grow and develop.

Your health

This is a time to take good care of your health. Here's how you can go about doing that.

Girls

What is a gynecological check-up?

A gynecological checkup is done to a woman's reproductive organs.

Why does she need a check-up?

• She has questions about puberty or her body.
• She has questions or problems with her period.
• She needs birth control.
• She may need to have a Pap smear. (A Pap smear is a routine test for cancer of the cervix.)
• She may need a pregnancy test.
• She is worried about infections or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

How old should a girl be for her first check-up?

There is no particular age when a girl should start getting regular checkups, though it's best to start before she starts having sex. Some girls begin checkups later.

A girl should tell the doctor if it is her first checkup and ask the doctor to explain what is happening.

What occurs during the check-up?

• The doctor checks for lumps in the breasts.
• He checks the genitals for signs of infection.
• The doctor examines the vagina using a speculum.
• While checking the cervix the doctor might do a Pap test i.e. he removes some cells from the cervix to examine them for infection or cancer.
• The doctor does a pelvic exam to check the uterus, ovaries and fallopian tubes.
• There may be a blood and urine test to check for infections and disease.

Does it hurt having a check-up done?

No. If a girl is healthy, the checkup will not hurt, though it could be uncomfortable.

Boys:

Why does a boy need a check-up?

• He has a discharge or burning when he urinates.
• He has a sore or bump on his penis or testicles.
• He is concerned about an infection or sexually transmitted disease (STD).

What occurs during the check-up?

• The doctor checks to be sure his testicles are normal.
• The doctor gently brushes under his scrotum to feel the prostate gland to be sure that it's healthy.
• The doctor feels his stomach muscle and asks him to cough. This is a herniatest. A hernia is when the belly is pushed out by an internal organ.

Where can these check-ups be done?

It can be done at a family planning clinic, a neighborhood clinic or by a private doctor, all of who do these exams.

Orgasm:

What is an Orgasm?

An orgasm is a feeling of great physical pleasure. With sexual stimulation, men and women can reach a peak of excitement that ends with an orgasm. An orgasm releases the sexual tension that is built up during foreplay. When a person has an orgasm people sometimes say he or she "comes".

What Happens when a Man has an Orgasm?

When a man comes his penis muscles contract and relax so the semen shoots out in short spurts. This is called ejaculation. When a man ejaculates he releases about one teaspoonful of semen which contains 100 to 300 million sperm. After an orgasm, his penis goes back to its normal size.

What Happens when a Woman has an Orgasm?

A woman has the same kind of muscle contractions as a man does when he comes. The clitoris is the most sexually sensitive part of a woman's body and can be stimulated when by rubbing or touching it or when the penis moves back and forth in the vagina. When the clitoris is stimulated it gets hard. The tension that is built up gets released with an orgasm.

Sexual Pressure:

What do you do when a person you like, maybe love, wants to have sex and you do not? It's a roblem both girls and boys can face. If you're being pressured, these ideas might help. Remember, you do not owe anyone sex. It doesn't matter what he or she has done for you. You have the right to say "NO!" even if:

• Someone has done you a favor.
• You have been dating this person for several months.
• You have had sex with this person before.

Someone who really cares about you will not force you to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable. A true friend will respect your feelings. Think about what you want from a relationship. How do you want to be treated? Do you want sex to be a part of a relationship? What type of sexual activity are you comfortable with? You may decide for example, that you may want to kiss someone but do not want to have intercourse.

To help you decide the kind of relationship you want, think about what you've learnedfrom your family and people you admire.

Talk with the person you are seeing about how you feel. Talk about what you want and what you do not want. It may help to practice what you would say and do if pressured to have sex. Think of all the lines that might be used and how you might answer. A common line is "If you loved me, you'd do it." You could answer "If you loved me, you would not push me." Be careful about certain situations. Being alone with someone new or someone who is pressuring you can be uncomfortable. You may feel better going out in groups or to places with lots of people around. Using drugs and alcohol make it harder to stick with what you decided. Sometimes, when people are intoxicated or high, they do things which they may not want to.

Rape and Incest:

Rape is when someone forces you to have sex. Incest is when that person is a close relative, such as a father, mother, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, or step-parent. They can force you with physical violence or spoken threats. Many people believe rape only happens by surprise, such as in a dark alley. In truth, rape often happens between people who know each other. Rape happens on dates (date rape) and in families (incest).

No matter what someone has done for you, they have no right to force sex on you or touch you in ways that you do not like.

Rape and incest are crimes. The person who raped you has broken the law. It is not your fault if you have been raped . There are laws to protect you against rape and there are agencies to help you if you've been raped. These agencies will be on your side and will get you medical care so you don't get pregnant or contract an STD. Remember, if someone has forced you to have sex, it is NOT YOUR FAULT.

Deciding about a sexual relationship:

Deciding about whether or not to have a sexual relationship can be difficult when you are thinking about this for the first time.

Teens make many different kinds of decisions about sex. Some feel they want to kiss and neck around but not go any further. Some decide they want to have sexual intercourse. Some teens decide to wait. The important thing is that you feel comfortable with your decision. Many teenagers decide to wait. There is nothing wrong with saying "No". There are good things about waiting. If you wait, you are less likely to get a sexually transmitted disease or get pregnant.

If you are thinking of whether or not to start a sexual relationship ask yourself:

• How will having sex make me feel about myself?
• What are my reasons for wanting to have sex?
• What do others (my family, my friends) think about having sex?
• How does this affect me?
• How does my partner feel about having sex?

Think carefully about your answers. Only you can decide when is the right time to begin a sexual relationship. However, this might be a good time to talk to someone who is older and whom you trust. Your parents, a counselor or teacher may be able to help you decide what's best.